"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGF03b2CHn
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSKW1sUXak
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtm5Ejyhhi
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPejDKSZK9
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdxlJQafay
it’s a mood.
– maya82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGsM3pYgdiA
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSM7rOMKtc
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDOl1XlEya
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLS8PZRo3V
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0FV5J8E8w0
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuZqP1QkDjr
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMwvUk2697
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ591TW3Dqjd
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4XbU7HdKs
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYRZ7z1Ddx
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87Knl2BG03
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8geB1K1Yn
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zcxHUmk2c
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4BEirSM3rR
i have goosebumps.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkCvgGBJeT
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe94NNNajM2
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQaxzVyVlX
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRJVuielKt
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJbImfIf3W
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBgyBq3v7y
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpz8rZVkt2
you passed the vibe check.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJa2Mxo12n7
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdbtZZvKLP
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXclmIfO1p
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5qgCHUMD3
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WvEVM8x0P
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatpLCq7Rxd
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTLf0xcgC9
i did cry.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRPEXsxOmb
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakF4k6qCCR
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMh5BJ1s85
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovNEhuFeon
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjOkvEIFXY
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBVVz4k6nE
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6f3vnUq35
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaALqjB5NR
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qo4yZ6YXg
together we’re like...82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfGNjeIlX3
the emotional avengers.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPs4wZuwaDJ
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3aGMn2BrX
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGV3YYtQrGT
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbzzWFPbCW
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwXWVyzEFu
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGrXakhJCK
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8uzVtqNdu
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZftNHcKcuM
screamed into a spoon. felt better.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymtGQfPT5G
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKMHjbaDtv
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPqXsi34b1
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡax6Er7S3dd
the rain cried for me.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAjTFEnGPg
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsdKgiSx3i
i do not condone murder. but i understand.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzN4CVEv1B
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyVbjy7A7Y
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUC2XXsN10
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiU8B3vCiDy
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDjdOARRML
officially unwell in a poetic way
→ Request update
and then Add to home screen.