"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAqGF03b2CHn
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAHSKW1sUXak
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.82Please respect copyright.PENANADtm5Ejyhhi
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”82Please respect copyright.PENANAKPejDKSZK9
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.82Please respect copyright.PENANATdxlJQafay
it’s a mood.
– maya82Please respect copyright.PENANAGsM3pYgdiA
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAzSM7rOMKtc
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAWDOl1XlEya
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.82Please respect copyright.PENANAcLS8PZRo3V
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.82Please respect copyright.PENANA0FV5J8E8w0
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.82Please respect copyright.PENANAuZqP1QkDjr
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli82Please respect copyright.PENANAyMwvUk2697
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANA591TW3Dqjd
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAI4XbU7HdKs
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.82Please respect copyright.PENANAMYRZ7z1Ddx
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya82Please respect copyright.PENANA87Knl2BG03
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAP8geB1K1Yn
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANA1zcxHUmk2c
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.82Please respect copyright.PENANA4BEirSM3rR
i have goosebumps.82Please respect copyright.PENANAUkCvgGBJeT
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.82Please respect copyright.PENANAe94NNNajM2
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”82Please respect copyright.PENANAMQaxzVyVlX
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli82Please respect copyright.PENANAxRJVuielKt
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANABJbImfIf3W
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAVBgyBq3v7y
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,82Please respect copyright.PENANARpz8rZVkt2
you passed the vibe check.82Please respect copyright.PENANAJa2Mxo12n7
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.82Please respect copyright.PENANAUdbtZZvKLP
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya82Please respect copyright.PENANAwXclmIfO1p
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAR5qgCHUMD3
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANA4WvEVM8x0P
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.82Please respect copyright.PENANAatpLCq7Rxd
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.82Please respect copyright.PENANAxTLf0xcgC9
i did cry.82Please respect copyright.PENANACRPEXsxOmb
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli82Please respect copyright.PENANAakF4k6qCCR
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAOMh5BJ1s85
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAovNEhuFeon
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya82Please respect copyright.PENANAHjOkvEIFXY
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAyBVVz4k6nE
To: [email protected]82Please respect copyright.PENANAs6f3vnUq35
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.82Please respect copyright.PENANAxaALqjB5NR
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.82Please respect copyright.PENANA8qo4yZ6YXg
together we’re like...82Please respect copyright.PENANAXfGNjeIlX3
the emotional avengers.82Please respect copyright.PENANAPs4wZuwaDJ
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli82Please respect copyright.PENANAP3aGMn2BrX
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin82Please respect copyright.PENANAGV3YYtQrGT
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore82Please respect copyright.PENANACbzzWFPbCW
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.82Please respect copyright.PENANAWwXWVyzEFu
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift82Please respect copyright.PENANApGrXakhJCK
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.82Please respect copyright.PENANAX8uzVtqNdu
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo82Please respect copyright.PENANAZftNHcKcuM
screamed into a spoon. felt better.82Please respect copyright.PENANAymtGQfPT5G
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo82Please respect copyright.PENANATKMHjbaDtv
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.82Please respect copyright.PENANAEPqXsi34b1
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift82Please respect copyright.PENANAax6Er7S3dd
the rain cried for me.82Please respect copyright.PENANANAjTFEnGPg
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA82Please respect copyright.PENANAKsdKgiSx3i
i do not condone murder. but i understand.82Please respect copyright.PENANAvzN4CVEv1B
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:82Please respect copyright.PENANAJyVbjy7A7Y
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.82Please respect copyright.PENANAJUC2XXsN10
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.82Please respect copyright.PENANAiU8B3vCiDy
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli82Please respect copyright.PENANAIDjdOARRML
officially unwell in a poetic way