"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANA8pOYPFajU7
To: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAOIbbfCr8RY
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.83Please respect copyright.PENANA6nCpyuto2t
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”83Please respect copyright.PENANA1KRW3XxeGw
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.83Please respect copyright.PENANAMsCYcKfznZ
it’s a mood.
– maya83Please respect copyright.PENANAk7i51lVmPs
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAIq4cNCLN5z
To: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAuDUbVuY2XR
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.83Please respect copyright.PENANAXeKBA2hEij
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.83Please respect copyright.PENANAKJxqXgaxFr
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.83Please respect copyright.PENANAthWzLwxkEY
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli83Please respect copyright.PENANAJlfsVmArCb
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAZlSsU0G2nj
To: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAgTvn9Zs98x
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.83Please respect copyright.PENANAHCeQ0Onuhs
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya83Please respect copyright.PENANAtmZYeUFci4
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAsxoxfo7lbL
To: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAjcD9Sor7PP
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.83Please respect copyright.PENANAAAHOmR7Id8
i have goosebumps.83Please respect copyright.PENANAjabBYK6LDu
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.83Please respect copyright.PENANApjM2qPf9O2
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”83Please respect copyright.PENANAIlZCpuYbe6
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli83Please respect copyright.PENANAX48swlCGAb
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAKBCCwtd1kr
To: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAvEftws8o2V
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,83Please respect copyright.PENANAwZH3ZpUh2A
you passed the vibe check.83Please respect copyright.PENANAGF1ydraGUN
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.83Please respect copyright.PENANARaIYUqBlEk
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya83Please respect copyright.PENANAcrrWygiMw9
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAKpn6AEV1Jd
To: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANA9nz5NK0TCM
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.83Please respect copyright.PENANAcbS9uxIrtU
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.83Please respect copyright.PENANA552FPDfO6K
i did cry.83Please respect copyright.PENANA9ApMKg7iVj
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli83Please respect copyright.PENANApFcxSy6K7v
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAhz7NdB6AH4
To: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANANdB1SW56ie
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya83Please respect copyright.PENANAojrm8j0ECy
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAdpXikUxsXy
To: [email protected]83Please respect copyright.PENANAxw2OiYWU91
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.83Please respect copyright.PENANAgpheU5j2y2
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.83Please respect copyright.PENANA2q1oBZvfn2
together we’re like...83Please respect copyright.PENANANMgsH34mx3
the emotional avengers.83Please respect copyright.PENANARIlunji2ix
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli83Please respect copyright.PENANAEaCdAq8uwv
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin83Please respect copyright.PENANAS7UiLGEfXa
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore83Please respect copyright.PENANArmGRSn5sU7
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.83Please respect copyright.PENANA8Vue68ZdU3
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift83Please respect copyright.PENANADTd6WI3q12
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.83Please respect copyright.PENANAqlb3wbITqf
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo83Please respect copyright.PENANAjlNFBem2WR
screamed into a spoon. felt better.83Please respect copyright.PENANAOfOSaiOWI4
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo83Please respect copyright.PENANAPgrXzki5k8
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.83Please respect copyright.PENANAw5MFXylNDs
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift83Please respect copyright.PENANArtlpMwhjVU
the rain cried for me.83Please respect copyright.PENANARIgDo6lQOH
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA83Please respect copyright.PENANAUrE74PUX2B
i do not condone murder. but i understand.83Please respect copyright.PENANAEE5lmpI3CY
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:83Please respect copyright.PENANAVJqyJ3kbey
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.83Please respect copyright.PENANAGmeJuJvwOC
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.83Please respect copyright.PENANAQWH4AEfTtb
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli83Please respect copyright.PENANAybXKPNneB3
officially unwell in a poetic way