|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbcH1XS9PS
To: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAHAZBEkYP
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWMDD404FL
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37h2TeYxuz
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2VqWtuUmM
From: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9M8GCueIq2
To: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGNRHzMcgL
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGbLtTkjsG
You’ve got the wrong Eli.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02JnprkvEP
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡas3zJrohZw
aka Eli Martin
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpLXoQWbL8
From: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS4sj6OxyI
To: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDmkXw0Uim
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVN3Hi7b3PX
definitely wrong eli.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmMNDtEDx4
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWwIf9nOV7
sincerely,98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi311XII718
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9uocqvGOt6
From: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgwLZ3ED4X
To: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUKZhZnbnr
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGtqvwQFvi
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfv6RHRVWx
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCZUBgXxjX
From: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJMgL41lr1
To: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCvPZLxAh6
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBRVe0ZbHL
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOeYCAI134
From: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLD9ws8PI6
To: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nERav1cxW
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBTrqptQDuL
is this our meet-cute?98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFryesPrqVn
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIPjz2czpS
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxNxtkFFR4
but i might be a decent one
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMUJLKXwVn
From: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYBWJQ7U3Dm
To: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2BWNdynBm
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgHCwPQ57Q
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFbTYGkubZ
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wCsaw178L
professional emailer of strangers
98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxasatgyHF
From: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NY4VtMuHc
To: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlT4FrGLZt
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYH5gZAJVZG
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaAiwAvRL4
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgD2RG4Lej
To: [email protected]98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbzxllf6RS
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVbaVkgS4i
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.98Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7iiNUhVDDJ
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