ME
Come to Church...
My good friend, Jayla texts again. I just stare at it as I sit in my darkroom trying to forget all that has happened to me.
Does he even care about me?
Sometimes, I sit in here with my door locked, the lights off because I can't face my life. I can't come out of my room to see what the world had to offer because I know that I would be disappointed in the end. It hurts, ya know? How can I come from such a loving home, a prayerful one too yet at the same time, whatever they say they feel, I really don't feel it...
My parents are both pastors. They preach the good word to people on Sunday, experience the Holy Spirit and speak in foreign tongues yet I wonder.. Does God even know my name? Does he see how many times I've begged him to just let me die?
I don't understand what he wants from me!
I'm sad, confused and on top of that, angry. I am angry at God because so many wrongs have been committed towards me. I sigh as my mother plays, Tasha Cobbs downstairs ironically it was her song, You know my name.
I scoff, no he doesn't know my name, if he did, then I wouldn't be feeling this way. I wouldn't be so afraid to get out of my room or be afraid to fall asleep. Does he know how hard it is for me to succumb in the arms of sleep? I feel like there is nothing but bad dreams, horrible nightmares that are attached to a secret past of mine that I just can't let go of.
I don't know how to forget, how to forgive... How can I do that when I never asked for any of this. I glance up at my ceiling seeing the stars that my father put up when I was younger, telling me that these stars were a reminder that although there are many, many stars in the sky... just know that there is only one me, Charise. One me, that matters not only to my parents but to our maker. The father.
I pick up my phone and text Jayla back.
No, I will never step foot somewhere, where I don't belong. It isn't my home...
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