Author's Note:
All actual definitions are taken from the Online Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
Define bunkum.
Bunkum: insincere or foolish talk; nonsense. It is the needless chatter of the world around us, invading our space and ears and minds to grab hold of us and pull us in until we emit nothing but white noise into a dark void. It is the friendship between two friends who clearly hate each other but love to be with each other. It is what you hear when you visit the old lady down the street to mow her lawn every month. It is the thing we spend our whole lives running from, and it is the thing we spend our whole lives being a part of. It is what brings us together and tears us apart.
Define rancor.
Rancor: bitter deep-seated ill will. It is the feeling you experience when something unexpected comes your way and throws you out of your familiar mindset. It is the emotion that bubbles up inside of me when things do not happen according to my plans. It is the foul taste on our tongues when that one person with the bad casseroles comes knocking on the doors of our lives, begging to be let back in, seeking shelter from the harsh outside, hoping to destroy the peace within. It is the shared gesture between us when life insists on being unlivable.
Define curiosity.
Curiosity: desire to know: a) inquisitive interest in others' concerns; b) interest leading to inquiry. It is the natural response when you find someone berating an inanimate object or when you discover that another has cried until they had nothing left. It is what leads people to strike up conversations and try to maintain relationships and undermine their independence and vilify each other until they want nothing more than to exit the whole situation and yearn for an escape. It is what has killed the cat, no matter if satisfaction will always bring it back. It is what opens up possibilities and shuts down realities.
Define daring.
Daring: venturesome boldness. It is the moment when a person moves past longing stares and wishful thinking to ask out the love of their night, as encouraged by the beer bottle discarded beside them. It is what a skydiver needs to agree to fall beside their imminent death and to trust their parachute to actually slow their landing. It is what either of us need if we want to progress past our small conversation about nothing that you managed to start up. It is what I will never have.
Define letdown.
Letdown: a) discouragement, disappointment; b) a slackening of effort; relaxation. It is the deadbeat dad or mess of a mom whom we loathe to love. It is the knowledge that nothing will ever go right, that nothing will happen the way we anticipate or want or need. It is what breaks our hearts, so we can find others to fix it. It is what kills us in order to make us appreciate life. It is the feeling when I realize that you have already disappeared from my life, never to be a part of it again. It is my failure to be anything more than convenient small talk.
Define future.
Future: 1) that is to be; specifically : existing after death; 2) of, relating to, or constituting a verb tense expressive of time yet to come; 3) existing or occurring at a later time. It is the entirety of what an infant has yet to experience, a whole lifetime yet to be seen, heard, felt, smelled, and tasted. It is the bell that students await as the last few minutes on the clock tick down until school makes way for summer. It is what we yearn for when everything is wrong and nothing is right. It is the promise made between newlywed couples to have together as they exchange vows before the priest, witnesses, and God. It is something I long to have with you. It is what we will never have.
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