Tuesday, After class.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwqlIKQXx6
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I had been thinking about it all day.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡplxmsuOpez
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About what Hina said yesterday afternoon, about what happened the week prior. Asking someone else to help with my problems. To fix what felt like to me, a burden that I had been carrying all my life. And the person chosen by her?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPn1QASrHo
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Kuroiwa Rei.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8JTCOVBiH
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I was always familiar with that name. But the person behind it always felt far away and I had my back turned towards him. I’ve only caught the words that were constantly passing around the school. And they were not very pleasant to hear or even to think about. I didn't know what he looked like. Well... just vaguely. The same with most people in our class. I felt that everyone’s eyes refused to look at him. Just like mine. Not even a second.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWM4KfI0dlY
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“There has to be a better option.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yGVDp3ZQ7
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Mika finally broke my chain of thoughts. She was standing in front of her desk, two rows near the windows at the front of the classroom.
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I had remained in my seat ever since class ended an hour ago.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5U1pEkbTzL
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I looked at her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQ9EJPtKK8
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Her arms crossed like she always did whenever she was against an idea she knew it didn't make any sense. Feet planted on the floor with one slightly ahead of the other. Her face, firm, different from how she usually looked. Her eyebrows tried meeting each other in the middle. I knew that look. I've always known it ever since we were little. And right now? That look was directed to Hina.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvFiKAjLRw
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“Hina,” Mika continued. “Have you heard about this guy’s reputation?”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbv1GFyJ0M
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Hina was staring toward the back door of the classroom, sitting at her own desk near it. Calm. Steady. Her eyes looked with expectation and her smooth lips, covered with a thin layer of pink lipstick, smiled. She was very relaxed. In fact, she was so relaxed that if I stared at her for a few minutes, I would almost hear her humming in my head. And that bothered me. A tiny little bit.
“Someone told me that he fought ten upperclassmen behind the school!” Yui raised her hand as she poured some of her cheerfulness into jumping down from the teacher’s desk where she sat. “And as a matter of fact, everyone says he has connections to the yakuza.” 13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5ceHLRIXH
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“I heard his eyes have supernatural ability to stab you just by looking,” Hina said. The smile on her face was still there. She turned around to look at Yui. “Apparently three students went blind last week.” She giggled.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nvTRLU9Ff
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“That’s weird, I never heard of that.” Yui pondered.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxo33iEqFNX
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Mika started getting impatient. She never found anything funny about what had been said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZeWiv8Ycz
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I did... giggled quietly.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs664Hv0mMi
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“That’s exactly the point!” Mika uncrossed and recrossed her arms, which for her was the equivalent of raising her voice. “On top of everything – he’s a loner, he never talks to anyone, everyone at school avoids him. People don't just avoid someone for no reason, you know.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfekBlw4Dw
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I knew that. I knew all of that.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnmt23SOJ3
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Since the beginning of the school year, I had spent every school day believing what others had said. And his nature of always being a loner made a radius of two empty seats between him and everybody else during breaks.. The rumors sounded ridiculous, they all did. But there was no reason for me to just throw away all I heard. I never intended to talk to him in the first place, even now.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkicqWg9ia
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But the image of my mom being worried, her calling my father who was working overseas. My friends’ frustrations whenever I didn't get what they were teaching me. The supplementary lessons after classes. Me having to go home alone. Everything. They were all mixing together with the thought of this mysterious person who was also my classmate.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgf3Cn0ovqm
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I swallowed everything and said nothing.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL26fdjDIGJ
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“Just trust me,” Hina said simply. She was looking at me specifically even though Mika was the one talking to her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSV1W8SBNK5
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I nodded. Very subtle nod.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcnHoA9OLT
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Then she blinked towards Mika and gave her a stare, the one she always did when she meant to say that she knew more and had no intention to explain anything. We just had to accept it.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuu9K746SVm
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Mika opened her mouth. Closed it.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsPoDmizGy
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I felt the same way. When Hina was being like this, pushing back was going to become a huge wall to overcome. The words she spoke were few, but the weight of confidence in them was too heavy.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14vTZ0IUpg
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“I just…” Mika lowered her voice. Her head tilted towards the floor. “I still don’t think this is a good idea.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZJNk0D7h0
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“Terrible idea!” Yui agreed cheerfully while raising both her hands.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGK5q1U6pv
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I sighed, stood up and went towards Yui. I couldn’t stand the fact that I felt like I was losing an argument I was never even a part of. Maybe in spirit. I don’t know.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXu5KI2KOfW
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Then the back door opened.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtGXP1Gm9uW
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I stopped in front of Yui when it happened. I saw her stand up straight from the sound. And I could feel Mika do the same without looking at her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57R4uiBzNh
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I felt him come in.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AcpvUTk4d
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His steps were slow. With a certain rhythm that sounded careful. Sounded patient. Gentle.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hSgZ4pC5b
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Gentle?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAHfFDgpXi
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Curiosity crept into me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXhmfEXk4U
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So I turned. Slowly. Reluctantly, like my body knew something my feet hadn’t caught up yet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6KX6ppwxl
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I looked at him, and he saw my gaze. My eyes snapped back towards the floor.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUu5QKBRrS
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He kept walking. After taking a brief look, I got the feeling he had been observing us. The three of us in the front of the class. While he continued towards his seat. At the back beside the window.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6VqawMDIy
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Behind me, Yui was not moving. I couldn’t see her face but her hands suddenly gripping my arm already told me that she wasn’t looking at him either. Mika as well seemed to be doing the same when I glanced at her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqHLvXOVhp
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“What does he look like?” Yui whispered.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMkhYSNGL99
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“You have eyes.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdEmXBuoCc
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“I can’t use them right now.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnha5Rs5leT
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“Why not?”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgFvhYQlp0
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“I just can’t.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhneD0wpMWe
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“Hi.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEfUmEMnHO
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That calm voice that suddenly filled the silence came from Hina.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡul9EbFGoLI
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Just a little bit. For just a little bit I looked up at her direction.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E0H9mMfil
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She was composed. Walking. Confident with each step. Towards the silhouette of that guy I was currently trying not to look at.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW2amtqxL3b
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I could almost hear the thoughts of Yui and Mika synchronized with mine.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUegQ8o40m
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How?
How is she so calm right now?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡivEvexGnmc
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“Kuroiwa Rei,” Hina said, with a slight hint of familiarity in her voice. But as far as I know, this is the first time I heard her talk to him. “Do you think you can listen for a second?”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnC7lAgQjzh
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The silence was everywhere inside the room. Too quiet that the noises that came from the classroom below us were the sounds I could hear.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrb0Xwe8cwQ
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I never heard an answer from him. Normally, you would stop talking to the guy at that point, right? Normally, you would think that he's not interested in having a conversation with you. But Hina was different. At least I think she was acting differently than normal at this point. I thought she knew what normal meant. But right now? She was definitely ignoring what it meant.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfSleQPgO2
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“There’s something the four of us need from you.” And there you go, she kept talking. And of course, with the ease of someone acting like she did not just spend the last few minutes being reminded that this could be a bad idea. “We were hoping you might be able to help our friend study.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAhaalDDFa
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I flinched. I was not ready for the conversation to shift onto my existence.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnX7fFNGPl
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“Study?” he said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKDkla7A7A
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One word. The first time I heard him talk as far as I could remember. And it was that one word delivered in a voice that was flat and unhurried yet somehow still managed to fill the space it occupied completely.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgC3T1tJUd
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“Exactly,” Hina said, sounding genuinely pleased.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSlJAIu2MN
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I was not. Definitely not pleased.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1Gnd67reU
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I kept drifting my eyes towards Hina but when I caught a glimpse of him I reverted to my companion, which is the floor. I kept repeating the same thing, but mostly, the one who I intended to look at was Hina. And unfortunately, my eyes were conversing in silence with the floor when footsteps started to fill the room.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4ZzYA8JLP
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Slow. Steady. Careful. Patient.
My eyes refused to look up. I wanted to brace myself but perhaps looking down was the much safer option to choose right now.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqMVihJLB0
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The footsteps got closer. Then stopped.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceZDa4aRze
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It stopped right in front of me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKPHMEoSj9
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I didn’t move. I tried to breathe.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNALRi3Oa7
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Then I looked up because not looking felt worse. I was careful not to look at his face. But an open hand sure appeared right in front of me. Patiently waiting.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kkFBW1zEl
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“Test papers,” he said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsn5D86X0H
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“Ah.” I didn’t intend to let out any sound, I did anyways.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNNxf1JVcL
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I hurriedly went back to my seat but the grip of Yui’s hand behind me slowed me down a little. I wasn’t thinking about it when I released my arm from her hands. I felt her trying to grab it again but I was already far. I felt sorry. She stood there in front of him for two seconds before she decided to follow me and settled behind me once again. My hands managed to find my test papers inside my bag. I took a deep breath then started walking towards him. Yui followed me, still behind me. Then, without looking at him directly, I offered them to him.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UDxGCboNu
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At that moment I wondered.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfAbYvFFLb
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Will he laugh? The thoughts arrived continuously. I’ve never shown anyone these scores except my friends. Not even my mom. Is he even capable of laughing?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcWQucMjAT
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“I bet his laugh would sound like a villain’s,” Yui whispered from behind me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdijkH1DUEL
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“Not now,” I whispered back.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiHT4ne3dS
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He took the papers and glanced at the first one.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFgGZAiFBh
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“Terrible.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgL8kakgbUJ
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I heard Yui swallow a laugh behind me and I made a note to address that later.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq83McuMDjy
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“Hey.” Mika raised her voice suddenly. She still looked stiff but the comment she heard from him somehow gathered some courage for her to say what was on her mind. “You can’t just say it like that.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDIpG4Ppwt
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He looked at her from the corner of his eye.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtswk1myLei
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She went quiet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppziEZ56Hw
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Thank you, Mika… Sorry, Mika…13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjO63lzfFVE
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The movements of his hands told me that he went back to examine my test papers. I still couldn’t look at his face. Partly because of the conceived idea that this guy was scary. And also partly because I was nervous about seeing his judging eyes. I just stared at his hands. He wasn’t saying anything but I could feel the tension building around my stomach. I could imagine him trying to look at every single mistake I made, every silly answers I gave. And I wanted to sigh. I couldn’t even sigh.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8Gia9mAeA
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“But not impossible,” he said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQP5d5Yqlsz
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I blinked.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPfdtSXCaX
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“Really?” Hina sounded delighted. I was confused.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxngsNL936o
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Not… impossible… I repeated his words back to my thoughts.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ry6H3Xv3c
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“She answered everything,” he continued. “Ninety percent wrong. But she answered everything.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxVUKncdn2
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Another muffled sound from behind me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sFJAGEtN6
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Yui… I swear.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡakPy63Pjnb
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“The answers she gave were wrong. But they aren’t random,” he explained. “She gave some kind of logic behind them, wrong logic, but there’s effort and it shows that she’s trying to solve them.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7efByJbBN
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I listened to him. And I started thinking back.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbz1LMnvGN
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Because..13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwjzzl2zPT
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I had tried. I had studied. I gave my all.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjn90E1ThXL
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Everything was wrong in the end. It felt like I wasted all those times I stayed up late reading my notes, checking all my text books and yet failing to retain what I learned.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3ULHP2Qtv
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I gave the right efforts for everything. But the wrong results were what I got back.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3513BzqSp
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I wanted to tell him. I wanted someone to acknowledge them. And I don’t know if he did. So I asked.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qVpkZDPa9
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“Does that mean… there’s still hope?” My voice came out steadier than I expected.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4b3PrzMo2
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“Sure,” he replied.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQNdTTGeQk
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That wasn’t reassuring. An of course would’ve been better. Just sure, like it was simply a fact he was confirming.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksK43Gru5G
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I’ll take it, I thought.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Oa8fzh8X3
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“But I have a condition,” he suddenly added.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7YTodxj1b
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I was in the middle of smiling when I heard that. And I felt my smile slowly fading and then my mouth opened.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH8hXECXOS4
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Of course. It’s not going to be for free.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8BCdZhdZa
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“How much?” I asked, before I’d thought about it.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDZEdYetpd
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“I don’t need your money.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQvMoGEYN3S
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I looked at him… for a second then I looked at his hands. Then what?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTCMI15Dhh
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“What do you mean?” Mika already asked before I could. She already crossed her arms again, and that meant she was already done adapting from the tension. I wished I could do the same. “If it’s not money, tell us what you want.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmQs1EJDeT
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He was just silent. Then he walked. Unhurried as always, back to his seat.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrvFrO5odU
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He reached into his bag and took out a notebook. Then he slowly tore a page from it. He steadily placed the notebook back inside his bag. And carefully he wrote on that page he tore. He patiently folded it neatly. And then he finally walked back.
Why is he being slow when I’m already nervous?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZQgbvezYv
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGug0NN714n
He stopped in front of me and held out that neatly folded paper to me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3O1OmWaea9
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“Don’t open it yet,” he said. “That’s my address.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmI3S1sLFx
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“Why are you giving her your address?” Mika’s voice went sharp immediately.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡex3BdWjQBg
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He kept his eyes on me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhi7lGMmiC
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“Come to that address tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “Alone. If you want to hear the condition, you’ll hear it there.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuF6Mt18Yz
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Alone? I sat with that word for a moment.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Pj0xpdkWX
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Alone. In his apartment. Just the two of us?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9g1owBNIx
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Me, with a boy with a terrible reputation?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdb42Ojzjt2
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I had to say no. No was the immediate answer. And it’s where this conversation should end.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsRcdzZ20k
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSy4UlJKljR
But the word. That one easy word to say wouldn’t come out. Instead it was drowned by two other words.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdjBmgegcz
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Not Impossible.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPJrj1WI9J
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“No!” Mika said what I couldn't. “Absolutely not! Why does she need to come alone? I’ll go with her.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuV8k2ES1Wm
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“I need her to come alone.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UfkTXM1d9
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“Then this is over. We’re not agreeing to that.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLonJdsfg58
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He looked at her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxNYpF1PDH
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“Tojo Mika,” he said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTDMJ0iLf0
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Mika stopped.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwb6Txfxxe
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“Always ready to answer when the teacher calls on you. Above average grades. A few points from breaking into the top ten.” He retained his usual way of talking. Serious, precise and unwavering. “The annoying girl with pigtails.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUY7qfYwb4w
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Mika’s mouth opened.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrCCcv2qkQ
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“Shirogane Yui.” He stared at the one who had been trying to hide behind me all this time.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeoVwgLuPc
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Yui made a small startled sound.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKr59woTd7x
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“Decent in class. Your reasoning when teachers call on you is good. You just don’t take studying seriously enough. A little more effort and you’d be above average.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPAt95Etcn
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“Oh,” Yui said softly. I could practically feel her eyes glittering wide behind me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8IL5oqaD4
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“Asakura Hina.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOmHoyZv9P
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxoY0roTOE
“Hmm?” Hina tilted her head like she’d just been greeted across the cafeteria.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ31a93OZAi
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He paused for a second.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlr8PN9NjY2
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“Top two in our grade. Excellent across subjects. Your math is the one place you’re leaving points on the table.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBMj0Jxm6X
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“My, you’re actually right.” Hina smiled. Genuinely smiled. Like she was pleased someone had brought it out and noticed.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1aheplYwM
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA17evukoSB
I heard that. And I wanted to protest. She got 91 in math and he still called it lacking? Isn’t that a little bit absurd?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9Tiaz1zEp
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I felt mildly annoyed this time.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdV3V3SAO6r
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“None of you are bad students,” he continued. “All three of you know how to study.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNRaLhP5Kj
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8ZtF37qEg
“So what is your point?” Mika said. Still sounding fierce. But when I looked at her. She was looking at the floor. It felt like she knew what he was going to say next but still asked anyway.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8x6G2kfFWQ
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“And yet.” He paused. “You gave up on her.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXE5XRQRVPS
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Everyone went still.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTwR8Dx4m5
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Yui stopped moving behind me. Mika’s arms dropped slowly. Even Hina was quiet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0A67NYwEMZ
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As for myself. I did not understand what he meant.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuw34rmqxOr
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“You probably tried,” he continued. “And when it didn’t work, you stopped. Three people who know how to study. And none of you stopped to ask why it wasn’t working for her. Why she couldn’t hold onto what you were teaching her.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMhuBGpUVi
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“It’s not their fault.” I let it out. I wasn’t planning to, but I let it out all the same. My voice was shaking slightly, I wanted him to stop. “It’s hard for me to hold onto things. They’d explain something and I’d get it, and then after a while it would be gone. It’s not their fault. They did everything for me. They did everything they could. I was just… lacking…”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9LKY9HxHy
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My hands were shaking at my sides.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8Mx8XkZpa
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“I’m the problem. Not them.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTLKvmhZra
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I tried to let those words sink into him. But the voice that came out next wasn’t from the person I wanted to speak in this moment.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLs1CkEU43
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UxP7pB7Ev
“I’m sorry, Runa,” Mika said. It was barely a whisper.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpP21tff5yy
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRWFWpTk8h
Behind me. Yui’s hands let go of my arm and she wrapped hers around me. She was quiet, and her embrace meant an apology I didn’t want her to give.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklnirGsMvV
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I stared at the floor.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcMbmspc6q
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It’s not their fault. It was never their fault.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZGN8o0dVNj
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He let out a long exhale from across me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9MijE7ghY
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“I know,” he said. “You think it’s your fault.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqfvcPkOCqE
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“You don’t understand…” I looked up at him. I looked up at his face. And for the first time I actually looked. Really looked. And I noticed immediately. His hair, messy and dark. Clearly never been introduced to a comb. His face that looked sharper than I expected up close. Angular in a way that would have been striking if he put any effort into it at all, which I assumed was something he would never do. He’s taller than me by some noticeable margin. And his eyes were just looking back at me. Dark and direct and completely still. Intense, in a way that made sense of why people avoided them. But honest. Telling me that all he just said was true. “Don’t say it like that about them. They tried. They really tried to help me. They tried everything.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjsCJyPhQ8
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcF8MkngDk
He held my stare. Never looked away, never felt threatened. Somehow it was more unnerving than if he had.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhP1sL6h1Sy
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“You’re right,” he said. “I don’t understand.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCGcoVpIWD
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He looked around and then stopped his gaze on me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlEQcpfDyo
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“But from where I’m standing. All of you are at fault.” His voice cut through my excuses. “Not because they gave up, but because none of you understood why it wasn’t working. Not them. Not you. Nobody stopped to ask the right question.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrcjYlbtz1
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Where I failed, he succeeded. Those words he said sank deep inside me. But the quiet my friends had surrounded me with, made me feel like it sank deeper for them.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcse8wAtE7
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“Studying is a skill,” he said suddenly. “It’s not something you either have or don’t. It’s something you learn. Something you can get better at. But only if you understand how.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EEi1ygrfZ
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That stuck inside my thoughts.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQEk1M5HK3B
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A skill.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6F4WGdlWA
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Not a talent. Not something you either had or didn’t. Something you could actually get better at.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69csRK2uKg
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPhMZD7sKN
Which sounded like exactly the kind of thing someone said right before they sold you something.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tkVbflXzA
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEaAZHhtbp
And yet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdT5tl3srv
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I wanted to believe it so badly. I wanted it to be real. But I don’t know if he was telling the truth. I don’t know if I could actually trust his words.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPctcvW8MC
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He moved towards his bag and carried it with his hand towards the back door of the classroom where he suddenly stopped.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6VYsIdUj0
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I watched him. He was moving slowly, but not as slow as I remembered a few minutes ago.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9RnvwFjfP
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“If I help you,” he said, “you’ll be in the top ten of our grade by the end of the year.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYK82fYbm1
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Mika’s eyebrow went up.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eVuzbmR17
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I didn’t say anything. I just listened.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNtnjAkOdS
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“It won’t be easy,” he continued. “But it’s achievable.” He stared at me. “If you agree to my condition.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CrJSOLV9q
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And just like that. He was gone.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQp8EP5aMWi
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Nobody was making a sound. Not even Yui, who I thought would’ve already said something ridiculous but she stayed behind me gripping her arms around me tighter than before.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5a9QGBrdkP
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“He called me annoying.” Mika broke the silence. Her voice had a mix of ‘about to get angry’ and ‘about to get confused’.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKJMWGMb6o
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“He called all of us by name,” Hina offered.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7OHbl0FZ3
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“He specifically called me annoying!”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKytNvtm48H
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“He also assessed all our academic capabilities without ever being asked.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZWihrwJqr
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“That’s creepy and also not the point.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsh7E1zi6i7
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“He was wrong to call you annoying,” Hina said. “But was he wrong about everything else?”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJUWPPEPwr
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Mika slowly stared at the floor. “...No.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8Wtiq3b3u
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“I was hurt as well, since he was right.” Hina carefully walked towards Mika, then she placed her hand on Mika’s head. “But I think he is someone we can trust,” she said and her familiar smile returned.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlQqlBTu7s
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“How do you know that?” Yui finally spoke, peeking at Hina from behind me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdvEP2o4rE
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Hina smiled wider. “I just do.” She glanced at Yui and gave her a little wink.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lgSWMg4dW
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“You can be really weird sometimes,” Yui told her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jYjGwHLIT
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And I agreed with Yui. I didn’t know what to think. Everything he said seemed too good to be true. Top ten? In just a year?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0Yo92YEHw
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I looked at the folded paper in my hand.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfRhLkaEYo
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“… I still don’t trust him,” Mika said quietly. But I heard it.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYSosohxC1
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I don’t either. But the hope he gave me was uncomfortable and at the same time something that I wanted to hold onto. Something that maybe could turn my life around.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIlWEEzXkw
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I closed my fingers around the paper.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD8QjWvk1zp
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This idea is terrible, I thought.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQdTDBu0pK
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And yet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5qOwWlBgc
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rnZkP9XNG
Tuesday, afternoon13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgDSfDyaSy
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On the walk to the station, Yui and Hina did most of the talking.
Yui finally regained enough of her composure for her to tell us stories about what was happening in another class. Specifically class 2-C. And she presented them with such focus and energy that she was like delivering some breaking news. Hina listened as she always did and sometimes contributed to them as well.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUeloGpb0n
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopekyrjDwb
I laughed with them. I said the right things. I didn’t want to show that what happened just a few moments ago was still shaking my thoughts.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBltuZTPk6B
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Mika walked beside me like she always did. She wasn’t talking.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOsH63mnRj
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That was always how she got when something was sitting on her. The words went inward instead of out. I knew because I’d been watching it happen since we were small enough that the walk between our houses felt like an adventure.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGmOikYZSz
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We split at the station like we always did. Yui and Hina going one direction, Mika and I going the other. Yui waved her hands as she rode the train with Hina. I smiled at her. And then they were gone.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPRGujAkFm
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The train was quiet for the few stops between school and home, and by the time we were walking the familiar street toward our houses the afternoon had gone golden and long around us.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUnSpMcFx0
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Mika hadn’t said anything yet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRK60b8txlG
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I let her be.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sdWTa5101
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“Will you go?” she asked finally.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡes38SArjDg
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“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure. Maybe I was sure.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrlXkDVWxR
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I don’t know. I repeated in my head.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFsoSJSD7d
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“He’s not someone you can trust easily,” Mika continued.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40a4ZfMfAX
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“I know.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcszNKN8Me9
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“Everything he said…” She stopped herself. I knew what the end of that sentence was.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1pbmrrc5G
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Sounds impossible. Doesn’t add up. Doesn’t make sense.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eVXScpZMF
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“I know,” I said again.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0goC76L3k
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We walked half a block without talking.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLKWX3uZye
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“I’m sorry,” Mika said. Softer this time. “I keep thinking, if we’d tried harder, or differently…”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEEN7KrPJUt
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“Stop,” I said gently. “It’s not yours to be sorry for. I mean it.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudTZNHIVrL
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“I want to try again. We can start over, do it differently…”
“Mika…”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH5sRjKYHF
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She went quiet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TgHJqPjVV
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“You already tried,” I said. “You all did. And I know you would again if I asked. But I also know it didn’t work, and I don’t know why, and maybe that’s what he was talking about.” I looked at the street ahead. “The right question nobody asked.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzT9X14WW4Z
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Mika kept silent as we continued to walk.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qSu5j8g6T
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A few seconds later.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVApOmlmg0
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“If you decide to go,” Mika said eventually, “and anything feels wrong…”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3U7WSiOP3
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“I’ll call you immediately.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡESnczE00WE
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“Before immediately.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2l5RBV4Apj
13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9fvGP5Dyp
“Before immediately,” I agreed.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKQYfaUYnI
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“I don’t want you to go.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrC1afUDMjQ
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“I know.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxMirfjphM
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“But you’re going to anyway.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvHa6OkjYt
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I looked at the folded paper still in my hand.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXni2S2PJQ5
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“...Maybe,” I said.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLGFoWjFQ6
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Mika exhaled. She knew that at this point she would never be able to convince me.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhSbSsoyie
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I smiled at her.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzL6xhDAqyo
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“Stay safe,” she said. “Call me when you get there. Call me when you leave.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29QNgvm2DF
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“Okay, mom.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwNNQoxiY6
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“I’m serious.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAqjlL60DRa
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“I know you are. That’s why I said it.”13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiPT71TwiU
She smiled at me but as soon as she turned away, I caught her trying to hide an expression she didn’t want me to see.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKphPKMr6a
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I looked up at the sky instead. The clouds had turned colors, orange edging into pink at the horizon, the blue above it going deeper.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXd5Wl32dGJ
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Will I go?13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8oxHnjDkbx
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I didn’t have the answer yet.13Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kt26EJug5
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But I was running out of time to keep saying I didn’t know.
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