Philo and Other Poems - IX. Love

IX. Love

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I tried to paint your face before I knew you,

But I did not give you justice,

For you are gold, and every stroke on the canvas is gleaming—

No tint and no shadow.

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I am a man enraptured by your gold.

The blessings you bestow upon this world are endless.

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You are an angel, and I have fallen for you,

Bright and blinding.

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The more I painted, the less I could make it out,

For no one can recreate you,

There are no colors to express the essence of your beauty,

That beauty that you have built inside of yourself,

Like a great wonder of the world.

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You are a model for those people who wish to be beautiful,

In the way you carry yourself—from the inside out.

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You are precious, eternal,

You are the water, and the daylight, of all Earth.

You are my entire world.

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I want to hold you always, and forever,

Drink you in, breathe you in, soak you in,

Never letting you go.

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You make my world turn. You are my entire world.

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I paint again, and this time, it showcases worse than before,

The canvases are darker and even less clear, without you.

Before I knew you, I pushed hard with the brush,

Until I was throwing myself into the piece.

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Sometimes I had this terrible thought,

That I would never find you.

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The way I thought of you when you weren’t there—

I wanted you more and more each day, someday.

I never thought that my someday would come,

But I know now it is here, with you.

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I see now—one day someone will see you the way you want to be seen,

One day, you will see yourself through the lens of love and light.

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We fear each other because we fear loss.

I understand, my love.

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How would two lovers understand one another without first understanding themselves?198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmH0Fp5edBb
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Fear of heartbreak is painful yet denial of love is the worst kind of suffering.

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Never give up on your love, yourself,

We live for it, we trust in it.

I will never give up on you, I will never give up on those that I love,

I will never let you go.

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I am proud of you.

You will always have someone thinking about you,

You will always be on my mind, in my eyes,

You will always have someone admiring you,

I am so proud of you,

Proud of what you have become, and what will become of you,

You will always have someone proud of you.

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I am someone who loves you, I will always love you,

Before us, I wrote things for you,

Before I knew your name on my lips,

Before I knew your eyes and your affection,

Before I knew your heart.

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You were always in my life, always in my heart, in my mind,

You were always with me all this time.

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My hands feel empty without yours in mine.

You are everything to me, all of my time.

Take this time to know my grace, to know my grateful love,

I owe myself to you, like the water to a river,

You are the sun in my sky.

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Being together, all that is ours,

To live and to love, oh how I love you,

I see how much I need you, I see how much you need me,

I see how much we care about all the fates between us.

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In my eyes, all I am seeing is you,

All I can speak of is you.

You are the only one I want and for you,

I would do anything.

I only want to make you a part of my love,

I only want to love you all of my life,

I want to give you all of my heart.

You are the only one I want,

For love is not a weakness; you are a virtue.

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Do not lose yourself to love, and love lost, or unrequited.

After heartbreak, you will always have space and heart to love again.

Be patient with those learning to love again, to open themselves to trust again,

Those learning to find happiness again.

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Let those who harm you leave because you deserve a love that stays and heals you.

If you find someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them,

Do not let anything stop you for you may never have it again.

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I am still silently hoping that time is not cruel,

That time has not played a game between us—

that goddesses have already reserved an eternity for us, to love one another.

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I have longed for these hands to be entwined with yours,

For your lips to be so passionately pressed against mine,

For our bodies to be tangled up in a mess, we have love.

Our souls finally breathing in the same air,

My soul soars when you are near me.

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My earliest memory of you is you in your work outfit,

Sitting with me on the bench by the trails.

When I hugged you, you were firm and warm, so tall,

I was shaking, I was so nervous.

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If I see you tonight I will hide into you instead of my hands.

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When I saw you, and you came to me,

Nonchalant and cool as a fall breeze,

We connected in our gaze.

I wore my hat to hide my face, and you took it off when you kissed me,

We sat there for hours,

Talking about what could become of us,

You listened, you were quiet when you wanted to be,

You were a perfect gentleman,

While I was always so nervous.

I am sorry that I am nervous, I care for you,

I am scared that I am not enough for you.

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You kiss me and tell me everything will work out, in our own time,

I believe you. Oh, how I believe you.

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You call me adorable, your smile as big as the Cheshire Cat’s.

I kiss your teeth and you laugh. Oh, how I love your laugh.

You are adorable, and you smell like the rain,

You make me feel alive, I want to make you laugh forever,

Look upon me for endless nights.

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When I hear you coming, my stomach twists and jumps,

I hear you calling to me, your voice a happiness,

Inciting a smile, I see your smile when you look at me,

Our greetings are like a reunion, a meeting of one, a whole.198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBFbmtaAZr
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You are my left hand, seeing value where others saw discard,

Where I had been unread, you turned the pages of my book.

Your face never reveals a true attack or judgment,

Constantly tingling empathy,

Holding me close to your chest, and your heart,

Holding me in your warmth,

To give me all your love you offer your bones on the pyre.

You gave me your attention, and I allowed myself to see the beauty,

Of who I am, who you are, and who we can be,

Through our glowing eyes, I love you,

Thank you for this view.

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Whenever I see or think of you, I smile, all day, every time.

Whenever you speak my name, I am floating, each time we meet,

More and more I become lifted into space, I care for you.

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When you asked for me to join you, a partner to your own, I could not contain myself,

With selected words of love, the belief in us and you, I am thankful for you.

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I want to touch you, I want to see you, I want to lie on rocks, naked, with you,

Underneath the starlight, I want to feel you around me, beneath me, above me.

Underneath the moonlight, your chapped lips, rough at first, then softening against mine.

Kisses of virtue, for a man who only wants you, a man who only craves you,

The need for your grasp, your body heat, flighty fingers, caressing movements,

Licking like flames on the skin, silent light, warm touches, pulling with your eyes,

Watching how you dance upon me, making me quiver, whispering in my mouth, lust.

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I kiss you and your eyes are full of love,

When I look to you, smelling the flower on our tongues, our mouths mixing gently,

I grab onto you and feel your brown hair, your growing beard,

Tracing you, down your jawline, comfortable kisses,

You are strong and animalistic, elevated and reassuring.

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When I kiss you, I feel the strength that you hold inside,

YOU ARE ENOUGH, I tell you repeatedly because I believe it to be true,

The truest power of anything we know, you are so unbelievably enough.

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I taste the skin of you, your sweat and your honey,

Handling with delicate care, soft fingers, and soft touch,

Moving up and down your body, my body aching for the warmth of you in the night,

For the scent of your evocations, the bite of your kiss.

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You have become a part of my soul, welcomed and eternal.

Imprinted upon me, my own being your own, while I have you,

Our first night to our many nights, helping me to become human,

I am truly living now, watching your chest rise, hearing the inhale of the air in your lungs,

The exhale of your breath on my cheek, my neck, the heat of you.

I did not know the simple act of breathing could be so fulfilling, from another person’s living.

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I’ve traced my purpose upon you and found the glint in your dreamy eyes.

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How quickly we have become entwined, twisted and tied and tangled together,

Lost within one another, residing only where we can comprehend, where we can imagine,

How I understand your eyes, and the emotion of your look upon on me,

Flowing and still, your love all at once for me,

I look into your eyes, those clouded green eyes, soaking in the moment,

As you remind me of water, the waves on the shore,

It is washing all over me.

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You are everything I love and cherish,

The smell of you in the air, I think my joy is spilling over,

If it were a bowl that could be measured.

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There is not an exact method to express how much I have in my chest for you,

Every day that is gone to the past, I know my wrongs, and you know them,

You know me and I know you.

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The night is full of stars, but none are as bright as you.

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When I wish upon a star, I am thinking of your heart.

When I see a star fall, I wish only for you.

I think about how many nights I spent gazing, longing for you,

Staring up to those stars, talking to them,

That they could grant my greatest wish, you.

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The day came, the day I had spent dreaming and hoping for,

To feel the love that I have seen in others, the love inside of the couples, old and new,

I was waiting for you.

Oh, how I wished for you.

Were you waiting for me too?

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I hope you know how irreplaceable you are.

Meet me beneath the stars, beneath the moonlight,

Near the woods in the dark, I have been waiting for someone like you,

All my days, I am yours, I am yours.

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I am yours as the sky to the stars, I am yours as the water to the shore,

I am yours like the breath in your lungs, I am yours like the blood in your veins.

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Science can say that humans need air, water, sunlight, sustenance, and nutrition, to live,

I say differently, I say science does not know the extent of you,

If you were not here, I would not be able to live.

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Love can speak through our eyes in the silence.

I am still very new to love, of what it means to be in love,

To share myself so intimately, personally, wholeheartedly,

I am still learning to love, learning things of you, learning things of my naivety.

You and I are young, we are new to ideas of connection, sharing, holding, protecting,

We find each other teaching things, showing things, telling dreams, showing wonders,

Showing the truth.

You have taught me to love, to trust, to believe,

In these moments we spend together, I feel I exist to be with you, you are loved.

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We hold one another again, my partner,

Give me all your sorrow, I will carry it with you,

When it weighs you down and you feel too heavy,

You can lean against me and it will be you and I together,

You and I, we are in this together.

When the wind blows and it is too cold, too cold for our bodies to bear alone,

Remember that we have each other, to create a heart in the despair,

For there is no cold, no blizzard we cannot face together,

We are not alone,

We will hold each other and forge through together, as a united front, a pair,

I will love you forever, I will always be there.

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I will be there until the end of my days. Stay with me.

Outlive the harsh wintering nights, let us live out our lives together,

See what becomes of us beyond.

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I do not care about losing anything as long as I have you,

I do not care where I am going as long as I am going with you,

I know I will follow where you lead,

If you run wild, I will gladly run wild with you.

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I am sorry that I sometimes tumble, stumble, mistake myself against you,

Please forgive me, you know me, and of the things I encountered,

Beneath this skin and these clothes are brittle bones that break when they’re not beside you.

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I came to you last night, you knew I was feeling down, I was feeling off,

My plea is for you, please tell me if you ever stop loving me, or if your faith in me falters,

Do not separate and leave, please,

You have held me so tight and so close, you let me cry into your home of a chest,

You kiss me and assure me and tell me of the coming river flow,

You are there for me, for us, you do not leave.

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You brought the only light that shone in a world of darkness,

So, I followed you and will stay by your side, always and forever, my love.

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These hardships cannot sink us; these dark thoughts will not defeat us,

I do not need you to love my vices, but as you love me, know that I need your respect,

I need you to know those parts of me, and all love me all the same,

For I am that which you love, and these are all a part of me,

Therein what must follow, is our love sailing through, flourishing to the future.

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The little things you do cause a smile every time I think of you.

Like a supernatural force, you bring cherished moments to fallen emotion—

Fae-like magic to dry and rotting wood.

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I love hearing of what reminds you of us; I love when you have loved me from a distant time,

I love to hear your stories, the simple tales of your daily plays,

your life, your loves, your morals, your knowledge,

I love when you share with me, how much you care,

I love you always, in my entirety, you will always be there.

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When I told you I had been thinking of you, you told me you were always thinking of me,

I can never cease to be amazed by your empathy,

You make me feel heard, seen, rare, blooming, like spring flowers, sprouting for you.

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I am in love with the inside and out of your being, compassionate as nature itself,

Your presence is a miracle every day; your love for me bending what I thought was possible,

I love you, I am yours, I fall a little more when the moments spark in my memory.

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I will love you until my last breath, and then more,

You are my world, my gold, my diamond, my ruby, my gem,

When we are together, we glow, safe in embrace,

I know I am not alone because I have you, and love you.

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