Diary of an Incredibly Delusional Person - 08.12.2024

Me and my mum looked at my winter clothes because we're going to France soon. Spoilers: guess who's wearing two year old clothes that I now dislike?169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOzRoJ0ZMnd

Obviously, I'm not used to cold weather, so I have a limited number of clothes for snow, but I hate eleven-year-old-me's fashion choice. Now, I'm more into band outfits and baggy jeans. Not fitting clothes at all.

Besides, I already had to buy some pants that keep me warm but are ugly as fuck. Why do I need to wear ugly clothes on top of it?169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpoDCVCztLG

Many people think I'm pretty, sure, but honestly? I hate those clothes. I feel uncomfortable in them, despite them fitting me. They're just not my style. But of course, my mum doesn't give a shit, and told me to man up and wear them because I don't need any more clothes.169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnTrjufY8D

How can she talk, when she literally bought three new sweaters for herself when she has at least ten in her wardrobe already?! That are her style?!

If a part of growing up is seeing that adults are hypocrites, then I can tick that off my checklist. Sometimes I want to fly away, far away from everyone I know. From everything I know. I want to float.

I think I'm fat.

I think I'm ugly.

I think I'm a bitch.

So why are you still here, you may ask. Why have I not already ended it?169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jXlVr4Jn0

I'm a bloody coward, that's why. I'm scared of ending it because of the pain. Because of God. Because I believe that I've never experienced anything like abuse in my home, so I don't get to feel doubts.

Bullying.169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fCul2JYlj

Exclusion.169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjtGApLtXH

I don't know why one incident set me off, but now that it's set me off, there's no calming me down. I think I need a breather, but honestly? I think I need someone to catch me before I fall.

Forever.

169Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQfsXukZYO

Signing out,

Alex <3

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