[Darkness.]
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN157Nm1OzM
[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQdDQwLFMY
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6DWoU1R2C
ROXIE:467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Y5yMb56H0
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvym02qOIr
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQz3l8q3Qop
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzh8zLu0Z3
But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8scjRuhtYe
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hL5cADsH6
That's true enough I suppose. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatgGGKr3Xm
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKgbnkmJDs
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0DJwqZDjP
Pause.467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgqTsg62c8
But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeE7AvICH1
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHDQbinJsM
But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sRhuZqI9U
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyVpnbX6M5
But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBX67JkQdx
Pause.467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCi0ykgj4yf
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGb5MIVJFL
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pCsG0YIJ2
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ93luul2NKj
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJccbx3s5Q
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIk2kbEH6K
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4uo7qQCdD
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSn2hGQZSNP
Or would it be a super-heroine? 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2jbbTibyb
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovXTAZkSLx
I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOdCMjD3Vj
Pause.467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqCQI956Ng
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdN49klYkT
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRdLa3mekn
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXuMSmXHeg
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38x6nrOUao
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoBkD3hYmk
Pause. 467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPKAUZLloO
[Darkness.]467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThA2XhRhvJ
→ Request update
and then Add to home screen.