前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsHpnJWdS6
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整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5FP3xh7Sm
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbmwQXle3a
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對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY17Iv1F5D4
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EpIbb3kap
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdrsGxG80j
我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DEx743MEQ
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOThDmxFw3
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硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAPM8OlZNZ
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另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgQGOHwdsq
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdU0V9qpx6a
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxU2Kep09CN
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKmPGVSwB0
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYSLZJ7cp2
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡniuYiq1fFa
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQt4SxdSbV
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxv4dx4bRIZ
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqjc1Oscnw
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkzDMQkY4R
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGm9tWkSXUl
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXurzGkXByZ
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMHmGnXheN
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4O7YegLKmK
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37xMwDLb4q
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHzBoOHmEY
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSL27q0GSPM
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7y10BX7aju
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3OoMAvYzf
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIlXdNI5hed
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4nadQ4921
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ55lzhbV9k
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXmqhHTkpw
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3IBKgrKDX
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLqIs4Aews
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGcAsdOamr
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目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHx5XLlQ0B
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZ9Jamxjw0
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZ2SAy5pg1
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXY2PvaRmD
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHi3tXaLKo7
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuyltqu9Fh
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchEXyhuWyO
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Z6E1VG5Sx
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPj7JumznuG
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03j1ESk4zM
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMm9MzAIV5h
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmv1JhL6fN
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7gCDJslY5
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ412FNk6GiD
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oYTNOHVVi
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5PZPfwu2t
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRMBUS1Pji
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELfwmrotxp
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnU9CX712n
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3tvBWRRuv
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PuDJ2F2q0
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreqG3aaj70
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRKU8xyF0J
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzURrklcTXP
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4HvD7epfk
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbucTwlMl14
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另外，稍微補充一點。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvTKTc5wJf
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSV2W81HW4y
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由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQk0QizrhPs
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gSQmMrCgB
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（以下都我隨便舉的）474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMf56LwS1L
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaF3y3btII
例如：474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Dhv0tuxrq
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZXf65Mj1Q
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ELww1S37N
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxgO9gBYHv
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnt3SX5FlT
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3rzF1e0x4
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ601tuc1cjP
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTcCrZIudZ
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUvKlDUnat
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LgEQVdoH5
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCY3ZDwgwW
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZqWkeJhGF
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUoVVOPZEb
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg5T9TiBhMB
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwEbxULXr7
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxWeLsGyoP
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyLVvIBtyF
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1LB0Wv4LU
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRC0vu9tqeS
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YfMuHi2pj
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobIs9bdIyB
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOa6bZkTWYN
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdM7yj1oGVu
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRwo76pIJW
大概是這種感覺。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQ4USHlbC3
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZGhKFiBTY
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmAz7CFT2SA
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzIlTVmSG0
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFKT8RFdZl
474Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJfkPt7BNl
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