前陣子，讀完鈴鈴卷的《真神轉生》，來跟大家分享一下心得。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKujeQm1e00
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIy3lnwoQm
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtzCGWmkP4M
整體來說，故事挺有趣的。會想看女主角又得到什麼外掛，跟陸哥之間會有怎樣的發展。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUsNTeOi3S
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9iEpgtGZH
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ig5JUyDQW
對於新角色高瑞淵和松勇的設計也蠻讓人記憶深刻的（一個像是跟蹤狂，一個像是偏執狂）。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxffqUdOUGr
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsYPnDMiG4
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGG5pqxSbd
我覺得鈴鈴在設計人物上很有巧思。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaz0S7x9zSD
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbjvWzCaQE
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0CFfZYjKu
硬要說的話，本作的行文有時會不太流暢……句子與句子之間的邏輯關係有時會跳脫一下，不過這也只能靠臨摹和自我覺察來調整了。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDW4rWL849k
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlWy9J1ApS
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL09mctZp0B
另外，在主線上可以更明確一點。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWybtCxMhE
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFMYlVnXmW
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvj8chhzhrH
女主角要修練，就得有個理由，看是要加強生存，或者像現在這樣，準備救人。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrGP1mUNaK
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUd8be46fZT
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDwUP74mDI
而在故事發展上，可以針對女主過去跟那個朋友之間，到底為何變得關係親密，那位友人對她來說是個怎樣的存在，往這方面描寫。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNxWsi40OR
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4USizEkukU
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGi7QMJOHD
先用劇情（看是要回顧，還是在見面時鋪一下）刻劃了兩人的關係，然後再強化救人的點。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdFS6hz77R
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtp854W8j2Q
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4YAZrxWGzj
而在過程中，女主角的能力想必不夠，這時再刻畫她怎麼變強。而在這之中，女主角有哪些改變。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubYwGoUmea
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8fQZ7VGBh
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQLJLRTNRy
根據我對女主角的理解，她不相信別人。那麼是不是後面的某個任務，或者在救人時有個重要環節需要團隊合作，需要相信其他隊友。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1khXJHVHY
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rfjDnMVre
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrpxi2dChe
而女主角作出改變。她將部分擔子交到他人手上，然後專心面對眼前的敵人。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73SWNX4ydV
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKZJe7R1gY
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOP5i26Xa6I
而這也使得她的能力、法力變更強，有所突破之類的。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLg7gtSllHG
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykfgTISJQY
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDw2H0v2gzn
而關於第二個重要角色，陸哥。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9oniEzHzZ
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BZ50fyT7S
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSwNTzR5Dn
目前給人的感覺是，他被捲入爭權奪利，並且正在尋找某個靈。同時，還被人施加了蠱毒。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAs12OXOi9a
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7Y2I6I1G0
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mkR46ks2x
可以在某一段更清楚描述他後面的打算、目標，以及面對他目前的情勢有什麼想法。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRF9MzPPlY
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomS2fmKoge
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHpgFMyaYbh
我似乎也沒看到陸哥想解毒ＸＤ 這中間感覺有什麼不對勁。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKF9XNSXC5
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZH370P00g
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDH7tDp9xf
另外，在他跟那條龍的互動上……雖然兩人無法直接互動。但或許龍可以用其他方式幫助他。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91G3P5RNnp
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZd2zQYiLC
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnWO9Chl5D
像是有敵人來的時候會感應到，或者有什麼其他協助陸哥的手段。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgd98ij7Qe
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTuTBlSUqk
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr14lFNLZEX
總之，就是確立各個人物行動的主軸。有時光靠對話沒辦法補充到的，需要用說式寫法補充，強化人物的背景跟行動的連結。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ld1q0AeTR
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsK1qaKk5U0
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGEDgRQqUp
換言之，就是動機、行動。需要好好表示出來。這樣會比較能讓人抓準這個人到底想幹嘛。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFF1w6qPQ9E
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2x8ULnqPr
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkls3D9Df9a
而在出現許多登場人物的長篇故事裡，用說式鋪設人物背景和心境、行為動機，就是蠻重要的點。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtgvyGfMqZ
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxCn9Vp5Vz
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8o5zYjhd0
如果每個都要用演的，有時反而會演不清楚。需要掌握敘述跟演出的平衡。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9r29u2pCB
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkdyRLrxda
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡla1KSlqfKf
另外，稍微補充一點。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAzlqb0ZE2O
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgbLgdKrbU
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0CjcF27Uo
由於劇情稍顯散亂，可以將某一段劇情規劃為同一個篇章。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3klTQ7uVPi
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoffq6zW1W
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKYHSXN7p4
（以下都我隨便舉的）475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCUWs2GyV3
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMirHoKAwZl
例如：475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVB3P3NBrH
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdgZ59wwzG
〈軍校篇〉女主角的目標是隱藏身分，並修練到初始境界，然而，正當她準備渡劫時，身分卻忽然曝光，因此迎來戰鬥。
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoR58trcQZw
〈陸哥解咒篇〉不知什麼影響，陸哥的蠱毒忽然發作。同時，女主要跨越新境界，需要取出陸哥身上的毒蟲。恰好此時，女主聽聞到新的解蠱情報。為了逼出毒蟲，女主前往新的境地。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmixdOLo87q
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7CZxJ3uy8
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12baoBxwcE
〈皇位篇〉陸哥康復後，朝臣大為震驚。而支持他的貴族也變多。這時，跟陸哥競爭皇位的某皇子偷襲陸哥，女主抓到這名刺客後，逼問出他們打算藉著陸哥身上的神器（龍爺）來搜尋鳳靈的下落。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tQXcXbYG8
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEKoOE5rA3b
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbpjt95koN
傳聞中，同時得到龍靈和鳳靈的人可居皇位。在女主的逼問下，龍爺終於說出隱藏已久的情報，女主為了讓鳳靈強化自己的寶書，竟然願意幫助陸哥前往搜尋鳳靈。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc5Whz0ce1B
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFVvWWa1g4
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7AnRDvXAv
像這樣子，讓每章的重點都扣在一個主題上，觀眾也比較懂這段在講什麼。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuBgGgtdJy
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvY8BSpUfX
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFTCpVJfKC
目前原作的走法，原以為會過上軍校生活，結果忽然開始得罪人，然後逃亡。其實會比較沒有記憶點，可以參考看看。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQRCB2aDgN
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUpaPpS4Sl
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SXJbm03yQ
上述的舉例，鈴鈴能發現，女主角跟陸哥都會有動機，以及行動。將這樣的主軸抓好，故事走向會明確很多。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFpRUwGfaTA
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzFoy43iEL
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHf8WSEVna2
當然，女主的功力要在哪個階段成長，都可以自行規劃。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBhH6Ds2TV
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4Y2udTjWs
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6rUfJt9xx
大概是這種感覺。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiPfYgenlK
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9k3NquuT5K
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNLupDKvMX
有興趣的讀者歡迎讀讀看。475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgr24znYbDN
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdTVAOAPiF
475Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmULrIigLXv
penana.com/story/118816/真神轉生
→ Request update
and then Add to home screen.