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I look back at this story now and wow what 5 years can do to a person. My writing here is still very... amateurish? Probably not the right word.
If anything, I can recommend you to read my more recent work on here called "Glory", It's a much improved style of writing and it probably has everything you are looking for like character development and a thrilling plot. With that story, I got farther into writing.
Thanks again! I'm happy you enjoyed this story.