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jacksteele

Good stuff so far! Intrigued

8 years agoReply

Alef Magnus

Wow. Thank you so much!

8 years agoReply

UnseelieSidhe

I agree with Cohen, it needs a bit of a slower pace. I for one am missing the connection with your main characters. What are they feeling, thinking, I would like more development on that front and more connection with the father. Overall this is just right up my alley. You are a great find. Will continue to keep an eye on your work. Thank you for posting this.

8 years agoReply

Alef Magnus

I agree. When I wrote this story, it was still very plot based and I did not care much about building characters. I was more interested in laying down the elements of the mystery. It was 2011 and I just started taking a shot at writing a novel. "You are a great find" is a compliment I very much appreciate.

To make up for my lack of updates, may I point you to my other unfinished yet more successful stories such as Glory or Amori.

8 years agoReply

UnseelieSidhe

@Alef Magnus, yes you may kind sir. :)

8 years agoReply

Coen Wonder

Vivid visualizations! I think you can separate some scenes to allow readers to focus more on imagining the visuals like the flames, the light etc. That's because many readers tend to rush when reading. I think if you can slow them down and think, it would be great! Carry on!

9 years agoReply

Alef Magnus

Big thanks for the feedback! Hope you stay on for the next available chapters. I might get the motivation back to revisit this story and continue. :)

9 years agoReply

Coen Wonder

@Alef Magnus, sure thing:)

9 years agoReply

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