Comments - Fractured Armour (Draft version)

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Kokiri-Hylian-Hero

I can only suggest double paragraphs or those fancy lines to split character sides, like in chapter one when you had Shadow and Enella's sides switch, other than that, I can't think of anything...except: Oh, man, who's that man who exploded the cave, is he Toqan?!

8 years agoReply

The Virtual Shadow

No, His not Toqan, That was later in chapter 3.

8 years agoReply

Kokiri-Hylian-Hero

@lightofshadows, Yeah, I saw him later and was like, "Oh...decidedly NOT Toqan."

8 years agoReply

The Virtual Shadow

Fair point. Now that i see it. Edit should help.

8 years agoReply

aefadawsd

It gets rather boring if you use his name to describe everything, especially in the action scene. You can use his title, or just 'he'. Using Shadow everywhere makes it really hard to read. Other than that, it's really good.

8 years agoReply

The Virtual Shadow

Thanks for pointing it out. Guess i got into a habit of separating characters. Cause there will be more at some point. Just hard to separate who He and She is, when there is more than 2 characters

8 years agoReply

aefadawsd

@lightofshadows, Yeah, that happens. Well, you can always use adjectives or way-too-long titles. Btw, the edit looks good.

8 years agoReply

The Virtual Shadow

@Lata, Thanks I tried after i looked. I was like "oh crap."

Also i would love an example for the adjective/long title/title thing your talking about.

Just a tad confused about that.

8 years agoReply

aefadawsd

@lightofshadows, I can't think of anything right now. Will let you know when I do.

8 years agoReply

The Virtual Shadow

@Lata, Take your time, I got contests, FA and another work to do.

FA=fractured Armour

8 years agoReply

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