What an enticing first impression. Wonderful! This is so imaginative and I love it :)

Beautiful as always. This could be the next big hit in Penana. ;)

I love your description. It's not excessive, but it flows well. I think your characters are all really interesting. I like that Lirare didn't immediately lash out at Roark because of the history between them, and they have a really interesting dynamic together.

The only thing I would suggest that you pay extra special attention to is how you punctuate your dialogue. It's not outrageously wrong, but it could use a bit of work. Other than that, consider me a fan of this story. :)