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Andrew Knight

I love me some steam punk, and I'm interested to see where this goes...*Warning! Brutally Honest Reviewer Here!*
From a writing standpoint, the introduction could stand to hold a little more meat, so to speak. Though I want to continue reading, it's to learn details of the narrative, not necessarily because the story has captured me yet. I'll continue though, and let you know where I am as I go along. Solid start!

9 years agoReply

madwoman-with-a-pen

This seems really interesting! I've never read this genre but I think I'll probably like it a lot! I would just recommend in some places to try and combine sentences instead of having a whole bunch of shorter sentences, then as a result you wouldn't be using 'she' over and over, as that can become a little monotonous.

9 years agoReply

EnnaStark

Thanks for the recommendation! I'll probably try to edit it this weekend.

9 years agoReply

I'm entirely new to the genre but I like the beginning - it's unassuming and aptly detailed. A good start!

9 years agoReply

EnnaStark

Thanks! And Steampunk is my guilty pleasure, although I might not write in the genre as much as I do other genres...

9 years agoReply

Nicole Armas

Ah steampunk! This is well-written and I shall look forward to reading more. Have you read Leviathan by Scott Westerfield by any chance?

9 years agoReply

EnnaStark

Leviathan was a really good book! I've read the entire series actually. Thanks for the compliments!

9 years agoReply

Nicole Armas

@EnnaStark, I haven't got around to reading the entire series yet but I remember it was the first book of the steampunk genre that I ever read.

9 years agoReply

EnnaStark

First book in the steampunk genre that I read was Girl in the Steel Corset. It remains one of my all time favorite books. Leviathan was my second steampunk book, then Cinder.

9 years agoReply

1gma

This story is very similar to The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer. I'm not sure if this was intentional or not and I don't mean to offend you but the similarities do come across a little plagiaristic. Maybe rethink a few things?

9 years agoReply

EnnaStark

Thanks for pointing that out! I'll rewrite a few bits. It's just that the first chapter is similar; I'm planning on adding a few plot points like the government that's actually on EARTH is killing cyborgs. Also Plague ships attack people. The people infected with the Plague basically become zombie-like. So yeah, the first chapter is a bit like it, but the rest isn't. Thanks for telling me though! I've gone back and edited it now, so it should be a bit better!

9 years agoReply

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